Classic literature

Once, there was a vampire. He was a vegetarian. Then there was a girl. She was a non-vegetarian human. He sparkled. She cried. They fell in love because he was fast and she smelled good. Later, they got married. Then they had a baby (?), and lived happily ever after.

If this classic piece of literature had to be summed up, then I guess the above summation fits the bill. Author Stephanie Meyer bestowed upon this planet, the finest and best romance novel in 2005 – Twilight. Since then, the popularity and fame of this series has increased by leaps and bounds. The rabid teenage fangirls made sure that Twilight occupied none but the first place. They screamed, yelled, hit, scratched, and almost killed (jeez?) the people who didn’t like Twilight, or in other words, were stupid and moronic enough to critique it.

You see, Edward and his fellow Cullens are perfect. Flawless. Then how can one possibly pick out a flaw ?

Following the success of Twilight, S.Meyer decided to continue satisfying the desperate fangirls who devoured the series with astonishing relish. Clearly, the series, which can easily be called soft po*n, thrives upon these girls’ wet dreams.

However, SM didn’t realize that she had consequently tortured the other half of the world, namely, the Anti-Twilighters, who were beaten to silence by the Twitards. They didn’t have enough balls(after being subjected to horrific torture by the Twitards) to express their hatred, and so SM had no idea of the fact that there are people who do dislike her trash.

Coming to the characters. Let me just say that the characters in fairytales that we read as children, had more depth than the so-called vampire and the, well, bitch.

Anywho, there was one aspect that I found extremely fascinating – Edward and Bella have a baby. Now, I haven’t read the last book but that’s what I’ve heard. Mythology says that once someone is a vampire, all their bodily fluids stop. Which scientifically implies that it is impossible for a vampire to have kids. But ofcourse, dear ol’ SM didn’t bother to read mythology, or do any research for that matter. Because in her wet dream, vampires are the sweetest little things who can have babies. You see, Twilight defies all logic, science and reason. But hey, who cares as long as the girls are satisfied, yeah baby?

Another thing that I found extremely interesting was the love story itself. As per thousands of claims, it has a profound meaning and depth. Even though the depth escapes me, let me try to see the premise upon which this romance is built – Obsession to the point of insanity and neurological problems like chronic depression and suicidal thoughts. Stalking someone while they’re sleeping (OMFG, isn’t that cute?), bitching, moping, crying, and ofcourse, sparkling.

Now, isn’t all this romantic? I bet it is. Afterall, ladies ranging from 15 to 75 drool over the pages of this book due to such passionate traits.

Lastly, I would only like to say that this book has been life-changing for me. It has changed my perspective on alot of things. First and foremost, it has made me lose my remaining faith in womanhood. Seriously? Girls suck. It has also ruined the classic genre known as ‘vampires’. No one will ever dare to write about vampires after such a blasphemy. The genre has been raped. Thirdly, it has re-instilled my belief in the fact that the world is, afterall, sex-hungry, and accepts po*n in whichever way they get it. Even if it’s in a mild form like Twilight.

Thankyou, SM, you opened my eyes to the real world. *Sigh*