Emotional Atyachaar?

I decided to take part in this year’s house function. Now stone me.

Looks like this is the principle our school follows. The teachers hate it when you take part in some activity and have to miss certain classes to go for practice sessions. They will develop a grudge against you and keep it safely tucked away until it sprouts up again in some other matter. They will give you those ‘I-mean-danger’ looks every time you look at them or worse; they will make sure that you get a glimpse of that look so that you get all frizzled up inside.

I’ve come to the conclusion that ‘passion’ can never be appreciated in our education system. Of course, unless it is passion for ‘academics’ (as our lovely teachers might put it), because passionate people are crazy, wild, obsessive and indulgent. They more often than not perfectionists and do what they do with an ace-finesse. If it has to be done, then it has to be done perfectly. Fuck the fucking ‘balance’, fuck the fucking ‘homework’, fuck teachers. Fuck everything else.

And this is exactly what our school hates. If you’re a crazy lunatic, then you’re an irresponsible, careless, dishonest, nonchalant, disrespectful student who deserves to be given extra punishment for a mistake committed equally by everyone. Your participation in something other than studies confirms your presence on the grill bed for the next 2 weeks.

We have 5 subjects in total. 2 of which are taught by the same teacher. So in all, we have 4 teachers to combat. Each teacher ends up saying, ‘Oh, you find my class to go for your practice sessions? you think xyz is a useless subject…’ and blah blah blah. Now the question is – If every teacher says the same thing, when are we supposed to go for practice? If some teacher is reading this rant, then I’d genuinely like him/her to stand up and answer this question.

Are you all so fucking self-absorbed and self-centred that the world beyond a radius of 20 cm ceases to exist for you? Amidst all the lectures and taunts, the students who has made the once-in-a-lifetime mistake of taking part in something, is mentally and emotionally crushed.

Here’s the simple question – Is taking part in something a crime?

I remember how when I was in a boarding school, extra ‘practice’ time was given to students so that they wouldn’t have to bunk classes. And yes, it was given to us during the school hours. The little ‘extra time’ made all that difference. My mother, who is a big cynic, also says that she hasn’t seen a more beautiful performance on a school level ever before.

And as for our school, well, let’s just say that Rakhi Sawant’s half naked dance looks better than our so-called ‘performance’. Watch it for a good laugh and that’s about it. And perhaps our school and teachers have become used to this C-grade standard of performances, hence anyone who makes an effort to do something better is instantly laughed upon and bogged down.

‘Itni tension kyun le rahe ho?’

‘Dance ke liye classes miss karne ki kya zaroorat hai?’

‘Jao din bhar dance hi karo, school mein padne ke liye to aate hi nahi ho!’

etc etc etc.

I’m one of those crazy passionate lunatics who made this mistake. Moreover, I want this performance to be the best fucking performance in the history of our school. And now I’m being chastised for it. Today, the teachers use the standard homework issue, tomorrow, they’ll question my commitment towards studies, and on the third day, I’ll be labelled as one of those ‘incorrigible’ (bigdi hui) kids whose parents need to be called each time they get up from their seats.

Today was submission day. In spite of being emotionally saturated and not being in the right frame of mind, I spent a few hours to get the pending homework done so I could submit it today. Yes, a few worksheets here and there, a few chapters were skipped, but then, nobody ever submits the entire homework. It’s always given to the teacher in bits and pieces, basically students try to cover their ass – so did I.

But it was sheer dumbness on my part to ask for permission to practice in our accounts class. Our teacher grudgingly allowed us to leave. She started collecting homework. My turn came. Then she remembered, ‘OMG, I sent her outside. Gee. This is an awesome chance to get some sadistic pleasure out of humiliating her’

I was called back. I submitted whatever I had done. She called me to her desk and asked where the rest of the homework was. I swear by then I could almost see the red devil’s horns growing out of her head.
Lie – was the word that my mind screamed. Being truthful doesn’t help; she would only embarrass me further. So I lied. I said I had done in a different register and I forgot to get it. Being the bitch that she is, she gave me a lecture on how she wouldn’t know whether I was even being honest or not, and how ‘truth’ is the most powerful thing in the world. Some shit like that.

Then she took my actual register and skimmed through to check whether I had done my class work  properly or not. Unfortunately most of my work was complete so she missed out that shot to yell at me. But then again, she’s a bitch, so she found another shitty point to make me feel like trash.

A day will come when class 12th students will be asked to tie a napkin to their shirts and hang water bottles around their necks. If someone fails to do that, he/she will be executed on a cross like Jesus christ. And so will the parents.

She then threatened to call my mother. And then came the dumbest and the most infuriating comment ever. She said, ‘I know you live very close, so after school gets over. I’m going to wait for you here in school until you come back and show that separate register to me’

Oh yeah? Well. FUCK YOU. okay? Kindly oblige us by remembering that you’re a teacher only till 2 pm IST. Beyond that, you’re just as ‘normal’ a citizen to me as anybody else walking on a footpath. I’m bloody not paying you to listen to your bullshit after school hours too. No way in hell am I coming back to show you a fucking register.

But the point is, all of this just happened in my mind. I stood there quietly, not being able to know what to say to that. It was pretty clear that she wasn’t pissed at me for just ‘homework’ – It was because I had dared to miss her class. How does one respond to that?

Yes. She pissed me off. People like her make your talent and effort seem worthless and equal to horseshit. People like her cannot think beyond, ‘I, me, myself’ – if it’s something related to commerce or accounts, one can skip as many classes as they want. But if it has nothing to do with her, well, then you’re supposed to stick your ass to that seat and not even dare to move an inch. Hypocrisy much?

Its not the fact that she yelled at me in front of everyone that bothers me. It’s the fact that I was singled out for a mistake that everyone was responsible for equally. Why were others allowed to get away with just one warning and I was subjected to threats to call my parents, asked to get my register right after school and given a zillion demeaning looks? Why this unfairness? Why not call everybody’s parents? Why am I the only one bearing the brunt?

Certain questions will never be answered. But her bitchy attitude has actually made my determination even stronger. This IS going to be the best fucking performance and the hardest fucking slap on her face.
I just want to thank my friend, Suneha, for helping me out today and other times that I’ve whined and cribbed. Thankyou for understanding.

Sorry about the terribly long rant.