The season of pre-boards is here. It’s deadly, bloodthirsty, cannibalistic, ruthless, poisonous, toxic and long. Very long. It has a definite start but no definite end. It’s a line; not a line segment, and a very very dangerous line. You start believing that the pre-boards are gradually approaching long before they actually do. ‘Freak out’ mode is turned on, innumerable coaching centres are consulted, tuition teachers suddenly become gods and books come out of the trash can. A very strict and balanced time table is made and you resolve to follow it religiously until the exams get over. Parents start to breathe down your neck more than they usually do and long, never ending lectures become a commonplace. Teachers suddenly start rushing the syllabus and long, never ending lectures start to pour out from their end too. Mobile phones, internet, television and other gizmos are banned and suddenly your 21st century, wannabe hip-n-cool, facebook infected room turns into sabarmati ashram.
Hence begins the prolonged, extensive and gruesome journey to the boards. We forget that at the end of the day, ‘boards’ is another important part of our lives, but just a part. We, however, start behaving like we’re inching towards the 1857 revolt once again. That it’d be the end of the world and end of life if we get anything less than 95%. What would happen to the grand SRCC dreams? and IIT dreams? and St. stephens dreams? and what would happen if DU doesn’t even fall on the radar? I think I should commit suicide just now.
It is a widely known fact that pre-board papers are purposely constructed at a level much higher than the usual. This is ofcourse, to assuage the school’s own insecurity about the ‘future’ of the students (can I just roll my eyes now?). The truth is, by the time the last innings arrive, ‘future of the students’ is thrown out of the window and ‘image of the school’ becomes top priority. If our school set a record of 96% last year, then how can it go below it’s own standard this year? izzat ka sawaal hai bhai. Market mein naak thodi katne denge.
And so they have to make sure that the students are capable enough to ‘maintain their image’. If they’re not, then they’re forced to learn that art. The name of that art is ‘retest’. A retest happens when a student flunks in the first pre-board exam (A student like me) and keeps happening until the student manages to cross the ‘40’ mark line (think: kabbadi match)
Which means more stress, more tension, more studying, more tuitions, more all nighters yada yada yada. You catch my drift.
To say that the situation saddens me would be an understatement. We, as a nation and as a society, are so absorbed in this system that we do not even try to look beyond it. We do not even try to look at the gaping loopholes in our education system, that someday those loopholes will become so huge that the word ‘education’ is going to sound like a joke (If it already doesn’t). We need action now, right now, at this moment and at this second. The students are rotting and decomposing in this dysfunctional, hypocritical, counterproductive and worthless system. I cannot fathom what I’ve gained from this system. I haven’t grown as a person, I haven’t become more intelligent (infact I’ve become dumber), I haven’t learnt anything about the nasty road called life and I sure as hell haven’t been ‘educated’ in it’s actual sense. If cramming the formulae of national income = education, then I must admit that I can see the ‘future’ of our country quite clearly from here.
Let me point out a few ‘values’ that I’ve learnt in school -
1) Cram, cram, cram should be the motto of ‘learning’. Stuff your brain with as much information as you can, even if it starts overflowing, keep stuffing until the cap of your head bursts open and the contents of your brain fly out like a rocket launched from a rocket launcher.
2) Grades and marks are very important. They judge your intelligent and therefore your ‘worth’ as a student. There is absolutely no way you can afford to get bad marks – that’s a crime, according to the school penal code. You may be prosecuted and sentenced to repeat a year.
3) Respect your teachers. Even if they’re pathetic losers and uninspiring nincompoops. Even if 90% of the ladies in there became teachers to evade their domestic problems.
4) Consider humiliation and unnecessary taunting as constructive criticism. In fact, even when teachers and the management insult your parents, keep mum like the saraswati devi herself has bestowed her voice upon them.
5) Incomplete homework is another crime under the school penal code.
6) Wear a uniform because it’s important to ‘standardize’ the students. Aren’t we products like colgate and maggi?
7) No one can dare to point out a flaw in the school. Everyone should always be hunky-dory about it because it’s a perfect paradise and we’re all little angels residing in it’s cocoon. You can raise a finger at the government of India, but definitely not at the management of your school. Wah, wah, democracy!
8) ‘Indian values’ = singing vande mataram every 2 days and performing bharatnatyam on stage. Everything else is simply blasphemous and an insult to our culture. Might as well put us all in a ghoonghat. Western cultural activites – ram ram! aise gandi baatein nahi karte.
9) ‘Talent’ is nothing but an ‘extra curricular activity’ that can be pursued on the side. ‘Studies’ are mainstream and they only include maths, science, commerce and humanities. Everything else =/= education. They’re ‘leisure activities’.
10) And finally, success = degree(s). More the degrees, more the success! Rope in a B.Com, then Eco hons., then MBA, then PhD – this combination is sure to launch you towards the sky of success! ho sake toh, ek do degrees idhar udhar se aur jod lena. Success aur bhi bad jayegi. Plus the society will respect you. Maybe you can also give a SAT and go to USA and earn in dollars?
I’ve learnt so many other valuable lessons from school, I shall discuss those in detail a bit later. But for now, I can only remember these extremely important things.
Ciao!
Hence begins the prolonged, extensive and gruesome journey to the boards. We forget that at the end of the day, ‘boards’ is another important part of our lives, but just a part. We, however, start behaving like we’re inching towards the 1857 revolt once again. That it’d be the end of the world and end of life if we get anything less than 95%. What would happen to the grand SRCC dreams? and IIT dreams? and St. stephens dreams? and what would happen if DU doesn’t even fall on the radar? I think I should commit suicide just now.
It is a widely known fact that pre-board papers are purposely constructed at a level much higher than the usual. This is ofcourse, to assuage the school’s own insecurity about the ‘future’ of the students (can I just roll my eyes now?). The truth is, by the time the last innings arrive, ‘future of the students’ is thrown out of the window and ‘image of the school’ becomes top priority. If our school set a record of 96% last year, then how can it go below it’s own standard this year? izzat ka sawaal hai bhai. Market mein naak thodi katne denge.
And so they have to make sure that the students are capable enough to ‘maintain their image’. If they’re not, then they’re forced to learn that art. The name of that art is ‘retest’. A retest happens when a student flunks in the first pre-board exam (A student like me) and keeps happening until the student manages to cross the ‘40’ mark line (think: kabbadi match)
Which means more stress, more tension, more studying, more tuitions, more all nighters yada yada yada. You catch my drift.
To say that the situation saddens me would be an understatement. We, as a nation and as a society, are so absorbed in this system that we do not even try to look beyond it. We do not even try to look at the gaping loopholes in our education system, that someday those loopholes will become so huge that the word ‘education’ is going to sound like a joke (If it already doesn’t). We need action now, right now, at this moment and at this second. The students are rotting and decomposing in this dysfunctional, hypocritical, counterproductive and worthless system. I cannot fathom what I’ve gained from this system. I haven’t grown as a person, I haven’t become more intelligent (infact I’ve become dumber), I haven’t learnt anything about the nasty road called life and I sure as hell haven’t been ‘educated’ in it’s actual sense. If cramming the formulae of national income = education, then I must admit that I can see the ‘future’ of our country quite clearly from here.
Let me point out a few ‘values’ that I’ve learnt in school -
1) Cram, cram, cram should be the motto of ‘learning’. Stuff your brain with as much information as you can, even if it starts overflowing, keep stuffing until the cap of your head bursts open and the contents of your brain fly out like a rocket launched from a rocket launcher.
2) Grades and marks are very important. They judge your intelligent and therefore your ‘worth’ as a student. There is absolutely no way you can afford to get bad marks – that’s a crime, according to the school penal code. You may be prosecuted and sentenced to repeat a year.
3) Respect your teachers. Even if they’re pathetic losers and uninspiring nincompoops. Even if 90% of the ladies in there became teachers to evade their domestic problems.
4) Consider humiliation and unnecessary taunting as constructive criticism. In fact, even when teachers and the management insult your parents, keep mum like the saraswati devi herself has bestowed her voice upon them.
5) Incomplete homework is another crime under the school penal code.
6) Wear a uniform because it’s important to ‘standardize’ the students. Aren’t we products like colgate and maggi?
7) No one can dare to point out a flaw in the school. Everyone should always be hunky-dory about it because it’s a perfect paradise and we’re all little angels residing in it’s cocoon. You can raise a finger at the government of India, but definitely not at the management of your school. Wah, wah, democracy!
8) ‘Indian values’ = singing vande mataram every 2 days and performing bharatnatyam on stage. Everything else is simply blasphemous and an insult to our culture. Might as well put us all in a ghoonghat. Western cultural activites – ram ram! aise gandi baatein nahi karte.
9) ‘Talent’ is nothing but an ‘extra curricular activity’ that can be pursued on the side. ‘Studies’ are mainstream and they only include maths, science, commerce and humanities. Everything else =/= education. They’re ‘leisure activities’.
10) And finally, success = degree(s). More the degrees, more the success! Rope in a B.Com, then Eco hons., then MBA, then PhD – this combination is sure to launch you towards the sky of success! ho sake toh, ek do degrees idhar udhar se aur jod lena. Success aur bhi bad jayegi. Plus the society will respect you. Maybe you can also give a SAT and go to USA and earn in dollars?
I’ve learnt so many other valuable lessons from school, I shall discuss those in detail a bit later. But for now, I can only remember these extremely important things.
Ciao!
students may come and students may go but pre-boards go on forever (i think with this line most of the students can connect) anyways...the season of pre-boards have come and the conecting offer(s) are quite heartbreaking like sleepless nights free, unwanted teacher's comments free and yes how can i forget our unfinished *pampering* by parents (quite sarcastic but anyhow) shayad ye school waale ab actual board se 1 din pehle hi admit card denge aur bolenge ki 'jao bachon jeelo apni zindagi'(a dialouge from ddlj)still we will survive all the heartbreaks( even though after too much of heartbreaks ur heart cannot be mended even with a feviquick!) still whether we cry or not,whether earthquake comes or not, whether ah leave it we *have to* (absolutely no choice) give THE BOARDS.... thats all i (poor student of 12th) can say! and yes very accurate observations of the writer only those who have gone through can understand its depth.
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